It’s fine to listen to gossip and rumors from anyone, so long as you don’t contribute anything yourself. Try to listen more and talk less if you can’t give up gossip.
If you’re at work, treat everyone with respect, not just immediate coworkers and bosses. If you’re too focused on those relationships, you could carelessly give a receptionist, intern, or lower level employee a reason to hold a grudge against you.
False rumors reach you about what you’ve supposedly done or said. You said something in private, and now everyone knows you said it. People stop entrusting you with information, assigning you tasks at work, or asking you to events that they once did. People act cold or unfriendly toward you for no clear reason.
If you think you’re being sabotaged at work, keep a business-like record of how your work was adversely affected. In this record, include details of the work you accomplish, positive feedback you receive, and other concrete evidence that you can use to defend yourself if the sabotage gets serious.
If someone gives you insincere compliments, or acts as though a criticism is a compliment, they may be hiding jealousy or anger. Someone agrees with you when you’re alone together, then sides with other people when you talk about the same subject in a group. The possible backstabber recalls all their past grievances and slights without missing a beat. This person probably holds grudges for a long time and feels entitled to take revenge. The suspect treats you with disrespect, ignoring your opinion or failing to change their behavior when you ask them to stop. Besides these signs, keep in mind who is able to betray you. If someone keeps repeating what you said in private, it has to be someone whom you confide in. If a project you’re working on is being undermined, the backstabber has access to the project materials.
Talk to someone you can trust not to gossip, and tell them to keep the conversation private. If you suspect a specific person, talk to someone who knows them but isn’t their friend. If you don’t have any trusted friends who fit that description, talk to someone who doesn’t know them, and describe their specific actions and behavior, not your opinion on their character.
Invite them to join you in activities. Do something fun and distracting that will make the backstabber feel welcome again.
Avoid starting sentences with “you”, which can make the backstabber feel accused and defensive. [5] X Research source Instead, use sentences like “I heard there have been some false rumors about me. " Backstabbers usually don’t betray someone just once, their behavior is part of a larger pattern of mistreatment. If someone continues to treat you poorly after you after you have warned them about it, you should seriously consider working the person out of your life if possible.
Mistakes will happen, especially when trying to break old habits. Apologize when you make them and forgive when your friend makes them.
At this point, you’ve probably had at least one conversation about the betrayal and your friendship. If your friend was unwilling to repair the situation, just stop talking to them. If both of you have made an effort to rebuild the friendship, but haven’t succeeded, the friend probably already knows why you’re upset. Calmly let the friend know that it’s not working out, and cut off contact with them. Sometimes, you can let the friendship fade naturally. Invite them to fewer events, and don’t pick up the phone every time that friend calls. Ignoring them completely could hurt them, but gradually letting go achieves the same result with less pain.
During a meeting or conversation, ask the backstabber for input on topics they know a lot about. Back them up when they make contributions and suggestions you agree with. Only do this when you sincerely agree, and don’t go overboard and flatter them. Sometimes you may learn positive things about your backstabber and be able to clear up misconceptions that caused them to backstab you in the first place. Understanding how to resolve conflict is a valuable skill that will last much longer than any obstacle a dishonest person tries to put in your way. If the backstabber treats these gestures rudely, stop and move on to other methods. Some people are not interested in changing their behavior, and there’s only a limited amount of effort you can be expected to make.
Avoid sounding like you’re making accusations. Use passive statements such as “I noticed the project wasn’t completed in time” instead of active statements such as “You didn’t complete the project. “[6] X Research source
If the backstabber still denies it, get a witness to confirm.
Come prepared with as much information as you can. Documents, emails, and anything else that shows concrete evidence of sabotage will help your case. Positive feedback and a record of the work you completed can help put to rest rumors of laziness or unprofessional behavior.
