While you’re out, bond over common interests instead of your romantic lives. For example, if you try out mini golf, then swap tips about techniques and how to keep your score low.
If everyone hits it off, then you might be able to plan more get-togethers with your friend. That way, it’ll be more natural for them to talk about group outings instead of dates.
If it feels right, try hanging out with just your friend’s partner. You two might develop a strong friendship on your own.
Reach out regularly and share lots of events with your friend and their date. When you’re outgoing and creative, it won’t seem like they’re the ones including you in their dynamic.
Be on the lookout for activities that require group participation. A round of beach volleyball, for example, doesn’t exactly scream romance.
Take charge right away and bring up ways to entertain everyone. For example, challenge your friend’s date to a game of pool. You’ll draw attention to how spontaneous you are. Smile, laugh, and crack jokes. When you’re lively and sociable all night, you’ll make anyone feel like they’re lucky to spend time with you.
If they also need some privacy to talk, excuse yourself and say you’ll give them a moment. If you’re polite and cheerful, the couple might realize that they should be more inclusive if they’re inviting you to spend time with them.
Ultimately, it’s important to make sure your social needs are met and that you enjoy yourself.
Try to call or text and find room in your schedules for lunch or coffee. If you plan a day in advance, it’ll be easier to commit to it.
Take some classes on your own, like cooking or karate. Enjoy peace and relaxation, like meditation or yoga. Pursue a fun challenge, like training for a race with some other friends.
Your friend or their partner might even be able to set you up with someone. If you’re not looking for a romantic relationship, try developing some of your other friendships. Also try to strike up conversations with people who share common interests—for example, join a book club and swap opinions with others.
Stay calm when you interact with everyone to keep the mood friendly. For example, say, “Hey! I just wanted to catch up and check in about last week’s party. " Then, share your concerns and offer a solution. You might say, “I feel like I just don’t see everyone as much as I’d like to. Why don’t we hop on a group chat tonight and plan something we can all do?”
Avoid skipping group activities. Your friends probably need to bond with you on a regular basis to maintain a connection. If your friends are going through a rough patch, hear them out. When you provide a listening ear, they’ll value how emotionally involved you are.
Invite other people you know from work or school to social gatherings or parties. That way, your friends can mingle with other individuals you get along with. Your friends might start to feel like a stronger part of your inner circle.
Join a club or group that’s related to your hobbies. For example, take some tennis lessons at a local park. You’ll probably meet someone there who you can be friends with. Once you “click” with some new people who are really invested in hanging out with you, you might not feel bad about drifting apart from an old friend group.
Concentrate on work, school, or professional development. Some time alone might be perfect for building a new skill set or becoming more accomplished. Eat well and exercise in your free time. When you pick up healthier habits, your mood might improve right away. You may even attract new friends.
Bring up what makes you happy: “I really love our long chats. Why don’t we carve out a date night every week?” Tell them why your marriage matters to you: “I feel like we always want the best for each other. I want to stay a team so we can get the most out of life. " Give your partner positive feedback when they make an effort: “I really appreciate how you’ve been catching me up about your day every night!”
Let them know if your family life puts a strain on you: “I feel that we’re spread so thin looking after our kids that we never have time for each other. " Say if their social life makes you feel left out: “I totally understand if you need to catch up with your buddies, but I feel like I’m never included. " Point out if their interests have taken over their schedule: “I’m really glad you have a ton of hobbies, but it seems like you hardly come home these days. " If there’s been infidelity in the past, address it: “I’m still struggling with the affair, and I feel really self-conscious lately. "
Discuss what needs to be avoided: “We each agree that we won’t spend every weekend of the month with our friends. Talk about how to enforce boundaries: “If you meet up with your ex-partner again, we’ll need to go to marriage counseling. " Thank your partner for honoring commitments: “I can really see how much effort you’re putting into our marriage. "
Find your love language and tell your spouse the way you receive care. For example, say that words of affirmation make you tick. If you’ve had a hard day, let your partner know you need to vent and express your feelings. When you’re vulnerable, it may be easier to see that your spouse is always there for you.
Focus on activities that help you get closer to your partner. For example, try out rock climbing or archery. Stay curious about your partner and ask them lots of questions. You’ll find out there’s always more to learn. Talk about how to enjoy sex in a long-term relationship so you both stay satisfied.
