A boss is an authority who is put in direct responsibility of you: police officer, parent, teacher, manager, the director of your school play, the robotic club’s president. These are people who to one degree or another have authority and responsibility that you need to respect. Bossy people tend to try to direct others, and speak with a lot of authority but are not actually in charge of you: Your friend, your sister, the person on the bus who always has an opinion on everything. In early childhood we are often conditioned to be compliant, please others, and listen to directions. Some personalities are more likely to do so than others. However, it is important to recognize that unless an individual has an actual responsibility for you, you do not have to accept the command, opinion, or suggestion.
If you find yourself responding in the way you might have as a teenager, rethink your response. It is not going to make your relationship with the person better or make you happier.
If possible, try to distance yourself from this person. See if there’s another desk or room available at the office that you can work from, for example. Always think about what is going to be worth addressing, and what is not going to be worth addressing. Sometimes, it is better to just try to de-personalize it, try to manage your own stress and your frustration around the situation.
If you have ever had a pet, you may have learned about negative reinforcement. People also take note when a colleague or family member immediately acquiesces to our demands.
A humorous response will act as a warning that their behavior has not gone unnoticed.
If the person still tries to boss you around, assert yourself and explain the situation from your point of view. For instance, you could say “The project lead and I have been discussing the best way to do this. If you think it should be done another way, we can call a team meeting. ”
Try saying, “In this case, I don’t agree with you” or “No, I don’t think that’s the best way to do it. ” If you say “No” confidently and respectfully, the person is likely to be taken off-guard and accept your respect for your opinion.
Say “I understand that you feel strongly about it, but in this case, it sounds like they can’t agree.
Respond by saying “I think that’s a good idea, but it is disrespectful when you talk down to me. ” Consider saying “I agree that this is the best way to do things, but I don’t appreciate it when you are rude or commanding with me. ” This is another way to stand up for yourself, without letting them dismiss you as emotional or juvenile.
Try a more serious statement, such as “I don’t like the way you treat me. ” At work, say “I think we should work separately on this project. I can’t work well when someone is micromanaging me. ”
