If the criticism is constructive, then it’s intended to guide you and to help you improve as a person, not to bring you down and make you feel inadequate. If your teacher has given you rather critical feedback on a paper, it’s not because she thinks you’re not smart; it’s because she thinks you have some work to do when it comes to making an argument.
If you’re sure that the criticism is completely invalid, totally off, and only meant to hurt you, then you can skip down to the second section to learn how to deal with destructive criticism. Constructive criticism is, ideally, meant to help you. Destructive criticism is only intended to cause hurt. Try to focus on the message as well as the delivery. It’s hard to see that a person really is telling you something legitimate that you can work on if he or she is yelling at you or just acting like you’re a nuisance.
Make a list of your 10 biggest flaws. That’s right. 10! Can you think of 10 things that need improvement? How about 15? This exercise isn’t meant to make you feel bad about yourself; it’s only meant to make you see that you have room for improvement. Think about all of the people you know. Can you name a single one who is perfect who isn’t a movie star? And remember that even most movie stars have some flaws, however visibly small they may be.
Think about where the message is coming from. Chances are, your boss didn’t just send you a terse email to be a jerk or to make you feel bad. He just probably wants you to do your job better. Control your emotions. You don’t have to tear up every time someone says a negative word. Work on your reputation. If people think you are sensitive, they will be less likely to tell you the truth, and you don’t want people to feel like they’re walking around on eggshells whenever they talk to you.
Sure, you weren’t happy with the “C” on your English paper. But was your teacher trying to tell you that you were stupid and a horrible writer? Probably not. She wanted to tell you to research your argument more, and to use more concrete evidence to back up your claims. It also wouldn’t have hurt to actually meet the word limit, would it? If your friend told you you’re obsessed with yourself, sure that hurts. But could there be something helpful behind the message? Sure: your friend is telling you to be a little more empathetic, and to spend more time thinking about others and less time thinking about yourself.
If your English teacher is right about you needing to do more research, then make a point of spending twice as much time reading up on your sources before you come up with an argument next time. If your boss tells you you’re disorganized, work on organizing your desk, Inbox, and your spreadsheets until you feel more in control. If your boyfriend tells you you’re too needy, work on giving him some space by spending more time alone or with your girlfriends.
Thanking people who give you honest criticism is also a sign of maturity. Suck it up and say “thank you” even if you’re gritting your teeth.
If someone is in the middle of telling you something you can do to improve, don’t say, “But actually, I already do that. . . " unless you feel like the person is really off base. If your teacher says you need to work harder, don’t give her a lame excuse for why you’ve been slacking off. Instead, note the feedback and try to address it. It takes maturity to stay quiet instead of making excuses for why the person is wrong when you’re getting valid feedback.
The next time you hear some constructive criticism, embrace it! It’s kind of like what Kelly Clarkson said: “Whatever (criticism) doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. "
Put yourself in the person’s shoes. Understand where he is really coming from. Though the words will still sting, it might make you feel better. If your coworker yelled at you for no reason, but you remember that he is going through a divorce, then you’ll start to be a bit more understanding, won’t you?
Sure, it’s very hard to take someone seriously if they are yelling at you, calling you names, or generally treating you with completely disrespect. This makes it nearly impossible to take a word they say seriously. But if you want to be the bigger person, try to find the underlying message if there is one.
Criticism can’t steal your money, slap you across the face, or crash your car. So don’t let it get to you.
If you’re unhappy with who you are, ask yourself why. Make a list of a few things you don’t like about yourself and figure out what you can change. Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. So, you don’t like that you’re so tall. Do you plan on slouching for the rest of your life, or will you start to love your long legs after all? Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself will also go a long way in making you feel more confident. If you’re hanging with people who always bring you down, then yeah, you’re not going to feel good about yourself.
If the criticism has no basis whatsoever, then the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely. Don’t feel bad if you’re not able to push all of these negative words aside right away. It takes practice to stop caring about what people think.
