Ask yourself if the situation is causing you enough distress that it must be addressed. Consider your relationship with this person. If it’s your boss or another authority figure, you have to accept some things you don’t like (unless it’s abusive behavior). [1] X Research source If it’s a friend or family member, think about whether choosing not to engage is enabling bad behavior or simply saving you time and grief. Can you even win this fight? You may really want to take on someone who irks you, but you need to size up the situation and consider if it really is one that you can resolve. Perhaps the timing is bad or you need to formulate a plan, get help, or consider your options.
If possible, discuss your issue somewhere neutral or while doing an activity. For example, you could talk while walking. This can limit negative face-to-face interactions. [2] X Research source
“I understand that you are frustrated by my lateness. I would feel the same way. Unfortunately, the subway line was down this morning and we were stuck in the station. I am very sorry for making you wait!” Do not say: “You are unreasonable for expecting me to be punctual when the subway system was broken down. If you really cared, you could have Googled my line and checked. ”
If you stay polite, the other person may be more likely to keep an open mind and listen to what you have to say instead of getting defensive.
Avoid trigger topics. [5] X Research source For example, if you always fight about holidays with your sister-in-law, don’t discuss them! Have someone else do the mediating. Avoid being defensive. [6] X Research source You might want to argue your point, but with difficult people, it is best to bypass these kinds of arguments. Do not waste your time trying to prove that you are right. Instead, keep the situation as neutral as possible.
Once you set a limit, do your best to enforce it. Many difficult people will continue to take advantage of you if they think you won’t stick to your boundaries. For instance, if you’ve told a difficult coworker that you don’t want them to tell sexist jokes around you, don’t call them out sometimes and ignore them at other times. Be consistent about asking them not to continue the behavior. You could even set a specific consequence, like, “If it happens again, I’ll bring it up with HR. ”
Accept that this person will likely never become the friend, colleague or sibling you want. [9] X Research source If all else fails, you may need to cut ties with the person altogether. This can be especially difficult if it’s a close family member, a significant other, or someone you work with. However, if their behavior is seriously toxic and abusive, it might be time to move on.
“Hostile” people. These people tend to react violently. They can be cynical, argumentative, and have trouble being in the wrong. These people thrive in power roles or as cyber bullies. “Rejection-Sensitive” people, or folk look for insults. In other words, they are easily offended. They often use textual means (email, texting) to express their dismay. “Neurotic” types. They might be anxious or pessimistic and often are very critical of others. “Egotists,” or those who prize their own interests first. They loathe compromise, are hyper-sensitive to personal affronts, and may be ungrateful even when you’ve done something for them.
When interacting with someone difficult, you may be thinking, “I can’t deal with this person anymore!” Before you react based on this irrational thought, take a deep breath, and question its validity. The reality is that you can deal with it—although it may take a lot of energy and willpower. You won’t die or go insane because your mother-in-law is trying to micromanage Thanksgiving or your boss is going on a rant. You are strong and you can take it. Your choice lies in how you take it: will you stress until your blood pressure begins to soar, or will you take some deep breaths and hand your mother-in-law some carrots to chop so she’s occupied? When you find yourself using words like “must,” “can’t,” “should,” “have to,” “always,” or “never,” take a moment to reassess that thought.
When you had negative experiences in the past, what was your role? What were your actions in response to the behavior? For example, let’s say your friend Liz constantly picks on you. Do you respond to her? Do you stand up for yourself? It’s helpful to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses. That way, when you confront difficult people in the future, you will be better equipped to handle them.
Practice acceptance by taking a deep breath and looking at the person with as much compassion as possible. Say to yourself: “I see that you are suffering. I accept that you are anxious and scared, even if I don’t understand why. I accept that you are making me anxious, too. “[11] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source When you accept that something “just is,” acknowledging and accepting that the person is difficult, you release some of the tension created by resistance or trying to fight. [12] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Imagine a sympathetic reason for their behavior. [13] X Research source You may not understand why a customer just blew up at you for no apparent reason. Instead of becoming angry yourself, consider that they might be suffering from severe, chronic pain, which gives them an extremely short fuse. It doesn’t matter if the reason is valid or even very realistic – it helps you stay calm and not feed into the negativity. [14] X Research source
