For example, if they’re interrupting you while you’re on the phone, you could say: “Sweetie, I know you’re trying to get my attention, but I’m busy right now. " This shows them that you see them and aren’t ignoring them. You could even add: “. . . so you’ll have to wait until I’m done. " This will tell them what to do in the meantime and promises them that you won’t forget about them.
Continuing the phone example: if they keep interrupting, say something like, “I’m on the phone. It’s not nice to interrupt me while I’m talking to someone else as I’m unable to give them my full attention. " You can also suggest an alternative behavior. For example, say something like, “Can you wait for a pause in the conversation if you really need something?"[3] X Research source
Always follow-through on the consequences. If you don’t, your child won’t take you seriously next time and continue to misbehave. Make sure you tell them a consequence that can be definitely carried through. Think about it carefully and choose your words wisely. For the most impact, choose consequences that are directly related to the behavior in your child you want to change.
Avoid physical punishment, like spanking, which can be frightening to a young child. Isolation is another form of punishment that should be avoided since it doesn’t let them come to terms with their behavior. Ideally, punishment should teach children how to connect, communicate, and work through negative behaviors. Think less in terms of discipline and more in terms of consequences. Taking away a favorite toy may not teach a child why interrupting your conversation is wrong, but having them dry dishes will show them the value of time.
When a child is behaving poorly, explain how they should be behaving and tell them why the behavior you’re suggesting is better. [6] X Research source For example, if you see one of your students running at the pool, don’t say: “Mason, no running. " Instead, try: “Mason, it’ll be safer if you walk, as you’ll avoid falling and getting hurt. " Children tend to be more receptive to being told what to do rather than simply being scolded for bad behavior.
Create private, cozy areas in your classroom where kids can sit and relax if they’re being disruptive. Provide pillows, books, stuffed toys, and other calming items. [7] X Research source The idea is that the child is not being punished, but learning that he needs to regulate emotions better if he wants to participate in class. [8] X Research source Discipline should be a learning opportunity. When you have a moment, tell the child why their behavior was disruptive and brainstorm ideas on how to better cope the next time they get emotional or rowdy in class. [9] X Research source Parents could benefit from a time-in as well! If you’re a parent, have a designated time-in space in your home where your child can go to calm down if they’re struggling to regulate their emotions.
Using statements that are positive will reinforce the idea that you respect the child and are treating him or her like an adult.
Children often react in rash ways. Just because a child says, “I hate you,” doesn’t mean it’s true. Remember, children often disrespect their parents or authority figures as a way of testing power structures. Don’t get sidetracked. Keep your focus on the behavior your want your child to improve and not on the punishment.
If the child trusts you, you could try asking the child yourself. Don’t break their trust, however, and tell them ahead of time that you may bring the issue up with the principal or guidance counselor, depending on the severity.
The most common reasons for tantrums are: hunger, exhaustion, fear, or confusion. If you’ll be in a situation that might trigger these, consider bringing snacks or toys for the child, or even hiring a babysitter. [13] X Research source Allow your child to have some control. If their request is reasonable, consider accommodating it to show them that you respect them. For example, if your kid loves her summer dress, you can let her wear it in the Fall with a jacket. [14] X Research source If you’re overwhelmed, ask a child psychologist about ways to modify your child’s behavior. Consider working in a foster a home or school to learn how to prevent such behavior.
When your child is upset, connect with them on an emotional level. Say something like, “It seems like you’re feeling very angry about this. Why is that?"[15] X Research source There may be reasons you didn’t think of. For example, if your child cries every night at bedtime, it may not be due to the dark, but because they saw something scary on TV. Talk through your child’s fears and reassure them that they’re safe. [16] X Research source
For example, if they stole another student’s pencil, you could say, “I know you liked the bunny pencil you got last Easter. How’d you feel if someone took it from you without asking?” Let them answer. Once your child has considered the other person’s point of view, have them apologize. Making your child consider the reason for the apology first encourages empathetic thinking. [18] X Research source
Modeling is one of the best ways to teach children how to behave appropriately. This is especially effective on younger children, who learn best from examples.
The difficult thing about making assumptions is it may cause you to treat a child in a different way, which may not always resolve the problem. When possible, stay consistent with your consequences and your actions, but keep in mind that you may have to adjust them based on what you’ve learned.
Sit the child down and talk about what’s going on and how you can work together to fix it. If the child is still acting disrespectful and refuses to engage in mature conversation, then give them time to cool off and don’t engage in another argument. Don’t let a child manipulate you. Children will often try to negotiate with you or manipulate you to get what they want, but make sure you stand firm while remaining calm.
Focus on the behaviors you want to change. For example, if your child often interrupts others, explain why this is bad and then watch for small changes. [21] X Research source For example, if you’re on the phone your son interrupts you again, he may quiet down after the first time you ask him to. While he still interrupted, he’s trying to change. [22] X Research source When you’re off the phone, praise him for this small change. Say something like, “Isaac, I really appreciated how you stopped talking when I asked. " Eventually, he will learn what behaviors are desirable and act accordingly. [23] X Research source
