For example, if someone calls you names or purposefully pushes you out of their way, it’s pretty clear they are being intentionally disrespectful. On the other hand, if someone sends out a group email about an upcoming study group and doesn’t include you, it’s possible that they simply forgot to add your email to the list. Likewise, if someone makes an uncouth comment in front of you, it could be that they simply don’t realize they’re touching on a sensitive subject.
For example, if someone says something you think might have been disrespectful, you could say, “What did you mean when you said that?”
For example, some people may become snappish with others when they’re stressed or feeling ill. If they’re tired or distracted, they may simply forget social niceties like holding open doors or saying “Hi!” when they enter a room. Being empathetic doesn’t mean that you have to excuse the disrespectful behavior, but it can help you understand where the other person is coming from and react more appropriately.
For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m upset with Susan because she hasn’t called me back yet, but that’s probably because my ex was always blowing me off and ignoring my calls. She might just be busy; I’ll give her a little more time. ”
You might try counting to 10 or doing a grounding exercise, like looking around and seeing how many blue things you can spot.
For example, if your partner or spouse regularly says rude things to you or refuses to take your feelings into account, it’s time to have a talk. On the other hand, if a stranger cuts ahead of you in line at the grocery store, it’s probably not worth your time and energy to confront them about it.
For example, if a coworker snaps at you to get out of their way, step aside, smile, and say, “Of course, sorry. Would you like a hand carrying that stuff?”
In extreme cases, however, bypassing the disrespectful person could be justified. For example, if someone is severely bullying you at school or at work, don’t hesitate to report the problem to someone in authority. [10] X Research source
Insulting the other person or making unfair accusations won’t encourage them to rethink their behavior, and is usually unnecessarily hurtful. Speaking to the other person calmly and deliberately is also more likely to disarm them and break their cycle of rude behavior. [13] X Research source
Use I-focused language so that the other person does not feel accused. For example, “I feel very disrespected when you speak to me in that tone of voice. ” Try saying something like, “I find those kinds of jokes really upsetting. Please don’t joke like that in front of me anymore. ”
Try rephrasing what they say to make sure you understand them correctly. For example, “So you’re saying you weren’t trying to ignore me this morning, you were just distracted. Is that right?”
For example, you might say, “If you continue to play with your phone and ignore me whenever we hang out, I won’t be able to spend time with you anymore. ” If the person continues to be disrespectful and regularly violates your boundaries, you may need to limit your time with them as much as possible or even cut ties altogether.
