Stubbornness, bad listening skills, arrogance, closed-mindedness, and other annoying traits aren’t intelligence. They’re attitude. People with significantly below-average intelligence may mean well, but their potential in some areas is limited. They may learn slowly and struggle with logic, social skills, understanding other perspectives, and solving problems. [1] X Research source Low intelligence is not a choice.
If most people disappoint you, then you’re probably expecting too much from most people. If someone routinely struggles with a certain thing, don’t expect them to magically get much better at it (even if they want to).
Seeing things from different perspectives helps to have respect and compassion for people that are different. [4] X Expert Source Sandra PossingLife Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. Knowing where someone comes from can help you understand their behavior. For example, if you learn that someone had parents who fought constantly, then it might help you understand why the person doesn’t know how to handle disagreements in a healthy way.
Hard work isn’t always enough to get ahead. Some people will never be “smart” no matter how hard they work at it. But they may still develop other wonderful traits. Reminding yourself to take each person on a case-by-case basis will make you less frustrated, because you’ll stop constantly asking yourself why this person isn’t acting just like you are.
There are a lot of good traits people can have without being intelligent: kindness, creativity, dedication, honesty, et cetera. Would you like to be judged only by your lack of skill in one area? If not, then why would it be fair for you to do that to other people?
Even good people have bad days sometimes that can make them snippy or brusque.
If you realize that, while you may have very valid and reasonable opinions, you won’t be able to convince the person of your point of view very easily, then you will stop trying. And if you stop trying to make the other person see your point, then you will be much less likely to get frustrated.
It’s tempting to play “gotcha” and prove them wrong, but is it worth it? It may strain relationships and stress you out.
Remember that it’s much easier to be kind and polite than to be mean and nasty. Being mean is bad for your spirit and stress levels, and you’re doing your own mental well-being a favor by being as nice as much as you can.
“How interesting. Anyway. . . " “Well, you’re entitled to your opinion. " “Funny! So, last night. . . " “Okay, then. I need to get going now. "
Take some deep breaths, focus, and try to be patient. If it gets too much, excuse yourself to go for a walk. Remember that an emotional reaction will reward them by giving them attention.
It’s okay to confide in someone close to you about your personal problems. But it’s best to choose someone mature who won’t blab and doesn’t have to interact with this person as much as you do.
If the person addresses you with a dumb comment, just smile and act like he said something pleasant instead of engaging with him. Though ignoring a dumb person isn’t exactly taking the high road, it’s a great way to keep a dumb person from talking to you.
Lay out the objective facts of how this is affecting you and what you’ve tried on your own. This shows them that you’ve tried fixing it yourself. Remember that you’re looking for resolution, not punishment. Ask “Can you help me fix this?” instead of “How are you going to make them stop?” The person may offer you advice, which you can try and then report back to them about.
This doesn’t mean you should never correct them. Decide whether it’s important, let the small things slide, and take time to explain the most important things. Take a moment to imagine how it would feel to be in their shoes: guessing at how to handle things, struggling and hoping for the best, and then getting yelled at when you didn’t even know you had done something wrong? That would be awful.
Their skills are not a reflection of your relationship, their respect for you, or their dedication to success. Someone can want to please you and still fall flat on their face.
Some people can make leaps from A to D, while others might need to be guided from A to B, B to C, and C to D. Pictures, diagrams, and clear examples can help them understand better. Don’t be afraid to pull out your phone or tell some stories that illustrate your point.
Resist the impulse to lose your temper or make snide retorts when they fumble. It’s not helpful to either of you.
Praise the behavior you want to see. If they succeed at something or learn from a mistake, tell them how happy you are to see it! It’s great for their self-esteem and future performance. Remember your personal weaknesses. If you were struggling in one of those areas, how would you want people to treat you? Would you want punishment or support?
You may learn surprising insights. For example, maybe you thought your autistic cousin was mocking you when they repeated your words, but then you learn that this is called “echolalia” and helps them process what was just said.
Never assume that a “dumb” person doesn’t have anything interesting or useful to say. In fact, they may have a unique perspective that others could miss.
