Acknowledge feeling of anger and hurt toward whoever excluded you, but try not to dwell on them for too long. To help acceptance, remind yourself that these feelings are not permanent, but that they are teaching you something meaningful about the social world. The pain of exclusion temporarily interferes with your ability to connect well with others, so the sooner you let yourself feel the full range of your exclusion feelings, the sooner you can get safely back in the game to do something about them. However, the sting of rejection should not be ignored. Even though it is painful, it can send you a strong push to look elsewhere for connection or tell you that you should give up on a particular person or prospect.
Don’t make the experience into a catastrophe. Even if you have experienced exclusion or rejection before, understand that exclusion is not a negative judgment of your character. In reality, it’s a sign of perceived incompatibility. If reflection tells you that you really did do something to merit the exclusion you experienced, try apologizing. Giving a simple apology for your behavior is a good fix that can help you heal more quickly. It works well because you’ll feel as though you’ve done something social that also addresses the issue.
Was this a “fluke” incident where I felt excluded even despite my friends’ best efforts to include me? Are these excluders people with whom I am certain that I have a true, fulfilling connection? Would it help me get over what happened to have a talk about it? If so, would others be willing to explain their perspectives?
Try learning techniques to control anger to use if these impulses creep up. When you’re around people who trigger the pain of the exclusion, monitor your body for signs of anger and take steps to release it without hurting or snapping at others. Responding by lashing out can begin a vicious cycle. People who act aggressively tend to have an even harder time gaining social acceptance.
Consider the people in your life who make you feel included. Gaining confidence through connection is important for getting back on your feet, even if you still hope to branch out and eventually continue to make new friends, too. For example, even though your family cannot replace your social life, try spending some concentrated time with a loving parent or relative.
The exclusion involves other malicious acts like making threats, spreading rumors, and launching physical or verbal attacks. This behavior happens on an ongoing basis and shows no signs of letting up. The excluder(s) is dangerous to you by having significantly more physical strength, popularity, or access to information that would harm you if it spread.
Try taking a day to yourself to process what happened. Don’t be afraid to burst out sobbing, listen to sad music that matches your mood, or yell into a pillow if you feel angry and frustrated. These feelings will pass if you express them.
For many people, having one or two deep friendships with lots of care and time involved is more fulfilling than having many friends who are hard to connect with one-on-one.
Focus on past successes and the qualities that you have that contributed to that success. Use these qualities to improve other parts of your life, like making new friends. One common reaction to exclusion is to play the role of the victim by pouting and moping in excess. But, being a victim signals to other people that you expect to be befriended. This is typically not an attitude that draws people in, and it can make you put less effort into making friends without you even realizing it.
Since exclusion is such an emotional event, memory triggers can still bring painful feelings well after you make peace with what happened. For example, if your excluders are your peers at school you might not be able to avoid them in class. However, try to have as little face time as possible at lunch and after classes.
OTC medications such as acetaminophen have a risk of side effects. You should check with your doctor before taking any medication, especially if you plan to use acetaminophen for an “off label” purpose (off label meaning that you are taking the drug for reasons other than what the FDA has approved it for treatment of a condition, the conditions that are listed on the label). [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
