Online stalking consists of people communicating with you in ways that unsettle you (whether purposefully intended or unknowingly), especially with respect to suggesting or implying that they’re watching and noting your every comment and update.
Research undertaken by University of Missouri Professor Kevin Wise[1] X Research source Natasha Murashev, Report: Your Facebook Stalkers May Be Crazed has demonstrated that healthy wall viewing in Facebook consists of what he terms “social browsing”, whereby friends and family look at your general news feed and updates, enjoy the read but then move on to other people and activities; in other words, they’re simply including you in their circle of friendship. On the other hand, what Professor Wise terms “social searching” involves a more concerted action on behalf of the viewer. Here the viewer focuses solely on your wall posts, pictures, updates, etc. , and doesn’t balance this with viewing other people’s Facebook feeds; in other words, this person is behaving as if he or she is obsessed with you. A “social searcher” experiences far stronger emotional reactions in relation to what he or she reads than people merely socially browsing. [2] X Research source Natasha Murashev, Report: Your Facebook Stalkers May Be Crazed This suggests that if a Facebook stalker is “out to get you” (either to be more a part of your world or to avenge a slight or a break up, etc. ), it’s possible they’ll misconstrue everything you say online into something it isn’t.
Is the person failing to leave you alone despite your various requests to stop messaging you, leaving wall comments, or sending you things like links and Farmville gifts? Are they leaving lots of comments that are suggestive of the two of you spending more time, or even the rest of your lives, together (and they’re not your lover or spouse)? Are you at the receiving end of intimidating language or abusive language (such as cursing or sexually suggestive comments)? Are you being bullied and/or threatened? For example, has someone been posting unkind, doctored, private, etc. , photos of you online (or perhaps of people close to you as well)? Are you experiencing a case where the person will simply not leave you alone but keeps posting updates, sending messages, and constantly butting in? While not necessarily being nasty, mean, or threatening, doing this constantly tends to reveal obsessive behavior.
Consider your own feelings before worrying about theirs. Do you feel like someone is stalking you just because of what they’re saying or doing? Do you feel as if someone is obsessing over you (either because they really like or really hate you)? Do you feel overwhelmed, bewildered, annoyed by their constant messaging and posts? This is enough of a reason for you to find a solution that works for you.
Say something like: “Hey J! Did you realize that you’re the only person who leaves me posts and messages every hour? I’m finding it hard to deal with and I’d be really happy if you could cut it back to, say, one post a day instead. Does that work for you?” Obviously, if the person leaving the messages and notes is a real life close friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or a family member, it goes without saying that some of these people will leave a lot of messages because it seems the natural thing to do. All the same, they should acquiesce to any requests from you to chill on their excessive messaging and if talking to them doesn’t work, speak with other family members or friends to get additional support.
You might try a wall post: “Please don’t leave comments when I post stuff like X, Y, Z. It’s just an update of no consequence!” It doesn’t directly name them but it does make it clear to them that you don’t think much of the commenting. If you can’t beat them, join them! This might cure the problem in its tracks. If he or she is a Facebook friend you don’t know too well, but who is always commenting and liking your stuff, try commenting and liking all of his or her stuff too. It may well be that this person genuinely digs you and the two of you might just become good friends with shared interests as a result! This step is a twist on the “don’t assume the worst of other people” step; sometimes it takes changing your perspective and broadening your understanding of using Facebook in order to put things right again. Maybe an online friendship will grow, but only if you try!
“Hey X! I’m following up my earlier request to you to ease up a little on the posts and messaging. It’s really not working for me having you leave so many posts; it’s not like I even post interesting stuff worth commenting on half the time. I had hoped you’d understood my request last time and now I’m letting you know that I need you stop doing this. It’s not like I’m going to read or respond to what you’re adding and it’d be better for both of us if you stopped. " At this point, you can make a choice as to whether or not you will warn them about your intention to block them.
You can block a friend by going to your Privacy Settings. Click on the button “Customize” and go to “Posts by Me”. Click on “Customize” again and block them from viewing your wall. Read How to delete friends from Facebook for more information on removing a friend. For people hassling you in general, read How to block people on Facebook for more information. Read How to block someone in Facebook chat if you want to stop someone chatting to you using Facebook.
Realize that some obsessive people don’t always understand the harm they’re inflicting. In some cases, they may even think they’ve been super friendly or caring, and being blocked can cause them to take this as a personal rejection which might lead them seeking to muddy your reputation if you’re not careful. On the other hand, they may just be someone who really got the wrong end of the stick on how to use Facebook and will apologize when he or she finally “gets it”. You may also choose to report them to Facebook as well. This will bring in Facebook’s abuse team who have the ability to prevent them from using Facebook, or contact their Internet service provider or local authorities.
Never let any threats of harm to you or property damage slide. These are police matters and contacting the police immediately is warranted.
