Avoid your boyfriend at all costs until you have fully come to terms with being dumped. Refrain from showing up at his doorstep and questioning his motives. If you must, delete his cell phone number and email address from your contacts list. Sure, you may remember them by heart, but the simple action of pressing “delete” can bring you some closure. Plus, the shock of scrolling through your contacts and not seeing him listed may be just what you need to remind you that you shouldn’t be reaching out.
Questioning - You are consumed by a desire to understand what happened or what went wrong. You may try to seek out your ex. You may argue with friends and relatives. You may even consult absolute strangers to find clarity about what happened. Denial - You have trouble accepting that your relationship has truly ended. You may continue to hope that your love together can be saved. You may refuse to believe otherwise. Bargaining - You offer up any and every solution just as long as you two can stay together. You promise to change. You will be the perfect girlfriend. You try to take responsibility for the entire relationship. Relapse - You manage to convince your ex to give the relationship another shot, only to go through the same break-up process all over again. Afterwards, you are finally convinced that it cannot be saved. Anger - This stage occurs when you have released some of your fears about being single and can now recognize that you deserved better than what you got. Your anger may be directed at yourself, your ex, or the circumstances. Initial acceptance - At this point, you are “going along” with the break-up because you have no choice. You are starting to see that the two of you just aren’t meant to be. You finally stop trying to resolve things. Redirected Hope - As you come to accept the circumstances, you start to assess the possibility that you may be okay on the other side of the break-up. You begin to feel some level of hope that your future–whatever it includes–will be brighter.
Set a precise deadline for yourself–it can be a week, two weeks, or a month (depending on the seriousness or the length of the relationship). Tell yourself, after that deadline, you will no longer sit around wasting your days in misery. Make an active choice to lead a meaningful life, alone for now.
Getting rid of these things doesn’t have to mean throwing them away. Toss pictures, gifts, love notes, and such in a box to tuck away in storage or in an attic. Later, when you have fully grieved and come to terms with the loss of the relationship, you can decide what to do with these items.
Grab a pen and paper and list some of your best qualities. If you have trouble coming up with these traits, you can ask close friends or family to give you a few. You can also find a list of positive traits online by conducting an internet search. [5] X Research source With your positive traits at hand, start a journal that details specific situations in which you have exercised those positive characteristics in your life. [6] X Research source For example, if you listed “considerate” as a positive trait, you might write in your journal about the time you spent a beautiful summer day doing crafts inside because your best friend had a broken leg and couldn’t go outside.
Make a reservation to a nice restaurant. Dress well and enjoy a lavish dinner on your own. Treat yourself to a spa visit. Get a facial, massage, pedicure or manicure. Buy yourself a gorgeous bouquet of fresh flowers, just because. Go see that movie you have been dying to watch. Take a new class, such as cooking, dancing, or exercise.
Plus, dressing and looking your best naturally makes you feel better.
It doesn’t matter what you do. Simply engage in activities and be around people that pour into your cup rather than taking from it. Be gentle with yourself and indulge in your favorite pastimes. [8] X Research source
Fuel your body with real, whole foods like lean proteins, veggies, fruits, and whole grains while avoiding processed, sugary, and salty foods. A healthy diet can improve your mood. [9] X Research source
Double the benefits by asking a friend to come along when you work out, or joining a group fitness class. Being with others who are in a bright mood can also influence you to feel better.
You can reach a place of forgiveness by trying to understand your ex’s reasoning. Have you ever been in a bad situation and didn’t really know how to get out of it? Have you ever handled a situation badly and ended up hurting someone? This is not to say that what happened to you was right, but allowing yourself to at least empathize with your ex can help you find emotional closure. Another method is to write a letter. You might start by simply outlining the break-up from your point of view. Then, you can move into your thoughts, feelings, and the way you reacted to being dumped. Feel free to express any anger or resentment in the letter. Get it off your chest. Finally, close the letter by telling your ex that you are choosing to forgive and move on (this doesn’t mean you are forgetting!). Afterwards, you can burn the letter or shred it to pieces. [12] X Research source
