For instance, you can say something like, “Why do you make such rude comments about the LGBTQ community?” or “Why do you feel the need to say offensive language?” The exact way you handle this conversation will depend on a lot of things, like how intense your family member’s homophobia is and whether you’re comfortable trying to change their opinion. It’s up to you to decide how you want to respond. It can be really tough, but try to stay calm during the conversation. While it’s really tempting to lash out, yelling and mean remarks will only escalate the conversation.
For example, comments like “That’s so gay,” “No homo,” and more severe slurs are examples of homophobia. Keep in mind that if you’re not comfortable doing this, you don’t have to. You aren’t responsible for trying to correct or change a person with homophobic beliefs, especially if you feel like the situation could become heated.
For instance, if a relative makes an off-color joke, say something like, “I don’t think that’s a fair statement to make,” or “You shouldn’t say things like that. ” Try expressing how you feel when your relative makes homophobic comments. For instance, you might say something like, “I feel like you don’t respect me as a person when you use slurs against gay people. ”
You can say something like, “It’s really hurtful to hear you say things like that. ” For extra emphasis, point out that many schools have anti-homophobia policies and curriculums.
Coming out can really change the morale and emotional climate around your home, which isn’t great for your mental health. If you think coming out will make living at home unbearable, you might want to hold off.
You also may want to hold off on coming out if you’re financially dependent on your family.
They might ask something like, “Are you sure about your sexual orientation?”
For instance, you might be able to crash at a friend’s place if you don’t feel comfortable staying with your parents. This will be an easier conversation to have if they’re up-to-date with your situation.
For instance, if your parents or guardians respond with openly homophobic remarks and slurs, you might want to hold off on coming out. If your parents or guardians just seem confused or uncertain, you might be able to have a productive conversation.
Stay calm when you talk with them. This can be really tough, especially if your parents react strongly; however, responding in anger will only escalate the conversation more. Staying calm is the best option for both your mental and emotional health![9] X Research source Share your coming out experiences with your family. It may help to tell them about other times when you’ve come out, and the difficulties you’ve run into. This can help your family better understand what you’re going through. [10] X Research source
Parents or guardians tend to go through stages of grieving after a coming out conversation, like shock, denial, guilt, expressing their feelings, confirming their feelings, and accepting the truth. It can be a very long-going process, and it may be a while before your parents or guardians truly understand.
For instance, if you’re still in high school, you might make a plan to move out once you turn 18. To do this, your “plan” can involve getting a job and saving money for an apartment. If you’re a young adult, your plan might be moving to a different city, or immigrating to a different country to get a new start. It’s perfectly reasonable to cut toxic or abusive people out of your life, especially if you feel your safety is at risk.
If you’re still in high school, you can start by getting a simple restaurant or retail job. It may take some time, but you’ll be able to save up some money over time.
For instance, if you get in a bad fight with your family, you can sleep on a friend’s couch for a few nights.
For instance, certain cities have LGBTQ homeless shelters. [17] X Research source You can find a lot of resources here: https://www. hudexchange. info/homelessness-assistance/resources-for-lgbt-homelessness.
If you’re still in school, talk to your local guidance counselor about your home life, and see if they have any suggestions. When looking for a therapist, contact several professionals and inquire about their experiences working with the LGBTQ+ population and if they have any reservations. [19] X Expert Source Kateri Berasi, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
If you don’t feel comfortable calling the police, contact a trusted friend, relative, or mentor for help.
The Trevor Project is a suicide-prevention organization and hotline for at-risk members of the LGBTQ community. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, you can reach them at: 866-488-7386. The LGBT National Youth Hotline and the LGBT National Hotline both offer support to LGBTQ individuals. The youth hotline is meant for individuals under 23, while the general hotline is meant for everyone. You can reach the youth hotline at 800-246-7743, and the general hotline at 888-843-4564. True Colors United is an organization and hotline dedicated to homeless LGBTQ individuals. You can reach them at: 212-461-4401. The National Runaway Safeline can provide help and support if you’ve recently run away from home. You can call them at: 1-800-RUN-AWAY. [23] X Research source
For instance, Q Chat Space is a great chatting option for LGBTQ people. You can join here: https://www. qchatspace. org. You can share something like, “I’ve identified as gay since I was in middle school, but my dad makes a lot homophobic comments and I often feel uncomfortable and unsafe in my own home. Has anyone else gone through something like that?”
Find your nearest LGBTQ center here: https://www. lgbtcenters. org/LGBTCenters. It’s really important to know that there are people who will support you and places you can go where you can feel safe, even if that means you have to get out of your community. For instance, you might say something like, “I feel like you don’t respect me as a person when you make offensive comments. ”
For instance, you can say something like, “I was wondering if I could vent to you about something. I recently identified as gay, but my parents make a lot derogatory comments about gay people. I’m not sure how to deal with this. Do you have any advice?”
