If your roommate rolls his eyes or makes a sarcastic comment but complies, just let it go. If your roommate does not comply, you can go on to explain what bothers you and why it’s important. First, though, give him a chance to show he understands. Ask directly instead of leaving a note or dropping hints. Your year together will be easier if you can both feel safe talking about your differences. Don’t tell everyone else how annoyed you are first. Word travels fast in a dorm: unless it gets really, really bad, keep it between you and your roommate.
“If I’m afraid I’ll get woken up, I have trouble falling asleep. I really need to know that you’ll check to see if I’m sleeping before you come in with a bunch of friends. " If your roommate is surprised at how different your needs are, just shrug and say “that’s how I work!”
If your roommate blows you off or says something rude, pause before responding. Think about what you want to say. Explain that your need isn’t going to change, and that the two of you need to come to some sort of deal. Focus on the big picture of solving the problem. Nagging about the little things or making sarcastic remarks could make your room life hostile. Even if your roommate is initially unpleasant, you know that he can’t fault you for standing up for yourself. He won’t respect you if you let him run all over you.
If he really doesn’t seem to get it, sit down with him and lay it out more seriously. Explain that you can’t live with him, pass your classes, and feel sane if the room is always full of noise.
Your RA will sit down with both of you and help you determine a noise schedule. Your RA will explain to your roommate that this sort of arrangement is normal and is expected. If your roommate is so noisy the whole hall can hear him, ask a few of the neighboring rooms to also complain to the RA. Don’t do this if you are still communicating in a friendly way with your roommate! If your RA isn’t helpful, talk to someone higher up in the Office of Residence Life.
Figure out from there how to protect the things that are the most important to each of you. If they are contradictory, compromise. For instance, if it’s super important for your roommate to have a social room where people come hang out, but it’s important for you to be able to study in the bedroom, pick days of the week or hours of the day for each of you to control the room.
It is standard to ask permission before inviting a group into a room, for instance. [5] X Research source
If one of you needs far more hours of study, tends to pull all-nighters, or otherwise has a study routine that is difficult to contain, alternative spaces need to be considered. Campuses are full of places to study. Make an agreement that studying at certain hours will take place in a library or other study zone.
Invest in a desk lamp so that the main lights of your room don’t have to be turned on when one person is up at night. If one of you needs noise to sleep, agree that that person should wear headphones. If your roommate snores, have an open discussion on how you can figure it out, try to suggest that he get a mouth guard or try sleeping on his side.
If your roommate has a close relative or a significant other who lives far away, he might want to make frequent phone calls in private. Compromise by asking him to set a schedule so that you know when to leave him alone in the room.
You might both agree that music can be played whenever, as long as the person who is playing it asks. If your roommate is a musician, you will need to schedule times that he can practice. Remind him that he has other places he can play.
Good noise-canceling headphones are expensive, and cheaper models tend not to work. If you can’t afford them, skip them.
Study in the library or the computer lab. Visit a friend’s room or the student center if you just need to escape. See if there is a local cafe with a low level of noise for occasional study visits. Get in the habit of working outside of the room. That way, you won’t have to worry about noise when you start studying.
Ask someone else in your dorm to switch. If you can find another noisy/quiet room pair, they may be happy to switch with you. Another alternative may be to ask the offending roommate to leave. Read the rules of your dorm to see what’s possible. It can be hard to switch mid-semester, but if the situation is serious you can often be accommodated. Speak to someone in Residential Life and explain that you are living in a hostile dorm environment. You offered communication and compromise, and your roommate refused. Talk to your RA and visit the Res Life website to see what your options are.
Ask if any of your friends have an extra bed or a roommate who is never there. If you have a friend who spends a lot of time with a significant other, ask that friend if you could use the room when it’s empty.
