For example, you may be around a person who asks hurtful, pointed questions at work. They may do this to you or to others. Rather than get upset or angry at them, you may pull them aside and ask, “Are you okay?” or “What’s going on with you?” Getting sincere attention and concern from someone could be what they need to actually open up and be less aggressive or mean.
You may try doing five minutes of silent meditation in a quiet place at home or in your office to relax and calm down. Or, you can try deep breathing. Close your eyes and take a deep breath from your diaphragm for a count of five. Then, exhale slowly for a count of five. Repeat this several times until you feel calm and refreshed.
Keep your hands at your sides and stand with your shoulders rolled back. Also, try to maintain eye contact with the person, though you may not want to stare or pay too much attention to the person. Maintaining eye contact can cause the person to engage with you for a longer period of time.
For example, if the person makes a mean comment about someone or complains about their day, you may ask, “Why do you feel that way?” or “Is there anything that went well during your day? Tell me about it. " Set limits and boundaries around how often you listen to someone who treats you poorly or engage with them. You may have a particular subject that you are sensitive about and choose to leave the conversation if the person who treats you poorly starts being mean or unkind about that subject. Or you may tune out once the person starts to speak unkindly about someone you know.
If you cannot simply stay away from the person on a daily basis, make an effort to keep your distance. Putting some space between you and the person could reduce the likelihood of you having to deal with the nasty person.
Ask yourself, is what the nasty person all that important, in the grand scheme of things? Is it worth confronting the person over this issue? If the answer is “no” to these questions, you may be better off avoiding the conflict all together.
You may tell a joke to respond to the person in a light, funny way. Or you may tell a funny story if the person who treats you poorly asks a mean question in a group or says something unkind. Humor can act as a distraction and a deflection, especially around people who treat you poorly. For example, maybe the person makes a snide or rude comment about a co-worker to you. You may then use humor to deflect the poor attitude of the person by saying, “Well, I think we all have a rough time on Mondays”, or you may simply make a joke about yourself to diffuse the situation by saying, “I know I struggle with clients, especially the quiet ones. " Be careful not to direct the humor at the person who is treating you poorly. This may cause the person to feel threatened and lash out at you.
For example, if the person who treats you poorly asks you a pointed question, such as “What is up with your hair today?” or “Your outfit is a mess”, you may ignore them and turn to the person next to you. Doing this will signal to someone who treats you poorly that you do not wish to get into a conflict with them and do not appreciate their attitude towards you.
For example, if the person who treats you poorly starts to analogize you with mean comments or questions, you may say, “I am not going to put up with your tone of voice or your attitude. I don’t appreciate being spoken to in a nasty way. Let me know when you are able to be civil and we can continue this discussion then. ”
For example, you may decide to talk to your co-workers about a worker who is acting nasty or mean. You may say, “Have you all noticed that Barb is acting inappropriately?” You may also lodge a complaint about the person with your company’s HR representative so you can get support and help when dealing with this person.
