Don’t feel obligated to commit to something on the spot. Say, “Can I have a moment to think this decision over and get back to you?” If someone is being pushy, be just as resolute at saying no. Say, “I know you won’t give up easily, but I am not going to change my mind. ” Know that people ask you for favors or to do projects because they believe in you. Always say “thank you for thinking of me”, even when you politely decline. [2] X Research source
Ask yourself what benefits you receive from the relationship, whether they be physical (companionship, monetary needs, sex), emotional (someone to talk to, a sense of belonging), and related to feeling dependent. Ask yourself, “Is this relationship fair to this person? Is it fair to me?” If you have fears of abandonment, do some inner work and resolve the trauma of abandonment. You can also Find a Therapist.
Affirm each boundary with positive statements. “Even though this person may be unhappy with this boundary, I have the right to decide how to spend my time, energy, and resources. ” You may be with a partner who always wants to hear that they are beautiful, that you love them, and that you only have eyes for them. If you’re not emotionally open or ready for that kind of relationship, let them know. Say, “I am not in a position to give you all of the things you want. ” Remember that you have control over your life. If someone drains you, it’s time to create some boundaries.
Say “I have just a few minutes before I need to go”, and politely disengage when time is up. [5] X Research source Politely decline any time you don’t want to spend with this person. Don’t lie or make up excuses, but do communicate your position by saying “I’m unavailable” or “I’m not interested in that activity. ” If this person texts or calls you incessantly, let them know that it’s too much contact. Gently tell this person you don’t like to communicate at all times and would like more space.
Say, “I don’t want to have this role in your life. ” Avoid offering solutions. Instead, offer words of empowerment, such as, “I’m sure you’ll be able to work this out on your own. ”[7] X Research source
Say, “Sometimes I have difficulty being involved in the drama of other people’s lives when I have so much of my own already. ” You can also say, “It can feel really draining to be so closely involved with other people that I often need an emotional and physical break. ”
While your decisions remain yours alone, there’s no need to tell other people about your decision to cut this person out of your life by gossiping. Don’t “ghost”, or suddenly cut all contact without explanation. Many people find this confusing and disrespectful. You may want to tell this person that you need some space and that you will be taking a step away from your phone or e-mail.
Perhaps you don’t like speaking on the phone, but it means a lot to your grandmother. You may compromise from daily phone calls to twice a week.
