Sometimes the best way to deal with negative people is for you to remain positive and ignore their negativity. Unsolicited advice is rarely taken. Wait until the person tells you they would like to hear your ideas. Sometimes there is good reason for a person to be in a negative state; honor where they are. The best way to annoy a person in a bad mood is to tell them they should not be. While that may be true, it will not be helpful. Be a good example in being positive. Sometimes the best thing to do is to simply take a positive stance. Simply being positive and remaining positive in a sea of gloom will have an effect.
If the person continues to harp on the same negative topics, you feel emotionally exhausted after you socialize with them, and they overwhelmingly use negative words and phrases (I can’t, they didn’t, I hate, etc. ), that’s when it’s time to try to disarm their negativity.
Avoid trying to argue about why the person should not be negative. In an attempt to make negative people change their tune, the first instinct is to try to argue why the person should not be. Unfortunately, this tends not to work. People in a funk tend to have a lot of rationale why, and will typically have a lot of defenses to keep them there. You will likely spend a lot of time and effort for nothing, and maybe even get sucked into the dark cloud yourself. Negative people tend to exaggerate, focus on their negativity, and ignore the positive. Instead of trying to make them see how they’re being negative (which usually only leads to confrontation and reinforcement of their ideas that everyone is against them), try giving noncommittal answers that neither encourage or condemn the negativity. This shows active listening without stating you agree. Noncommittal comments include: “Okay,” or “I see”. You can follow up with your own positive take, but try not to contradict the person: “I see. It is really hard when customers seem unappreciative like that. I try not to take it personally. "
These questions might include, “What do you hope would happen next time?” or “What turned out to be positive about that experience?” This question should lead to a story about what a brighter future would look like and how to achieve that future.
For example, you might say, “I understand that you’re upset about your coworker. That must have been hard. So, tell me more about your plans for this weekend. ” Or, “Wow, that sounds like an ordeal. So, did you see that new documentary?”
While steering the conversation can include leading the person to a happier topic within the same subject, disrupting negative rumination likely means changing the subject entirely. If the person is ruminating over a work interaction, try bringing up his or her favorite TV show, the person’s beloved pet, or something else likely to result in a more-positive conversation.
Venting about a negative situation isn’t necessarily an unhealthy response. We often work through problems and develop a course of action to deal with the problem during this phase. Try to help the person channel the negative energy in a constructive way. You can ask, for instance, what the person can do to change an unfavorable situation at work.
“Well, the reprimand has already been filed, and that won’t change but it will be taken off your record in six months. You can show your boss that you are committed to being on time from now on. ” “What if you rode your bike to work instead? Then you wouldn’t have to rely on the bus being on time, and you could leave your house a little later. ” “You’re really upset by that, I can tell. I’m really sorry that happened. If you’d like some help getting organized in the morning, I find that’s really helpful in getting out on time. Let me know if you’d like me to do that. "
If the negative person is a work colleague, cut short their negative spiral by telling them you have to get back to work. Do it nicely, otherwise it will feed their negativity further. If the negative person is a family member (especially one that you live with), try taking a break from them as much as possible. Go out to a library or nearby coffee shop or simply don’t answer the phone every time they call.
Negative people often become that way as a result of being constantly disappointed and hurt, and the anger that is associated with these circumstances. Negative people tend to blame all external factors rather than themselves. Of course, there are those people who are totally negative about themselves, and that can be just as draining for a listener.
Even if “getting it off your chest” will help you to vent, it ultimately won’t help the situation. [10] X Research source If you must vent about the negative person, do it to someone else you trust in your support group besides the negative person.
People can naturally take for granted the support they receive when they’re already in a negative mindset. Show the person a positive action in his or her direction even when it’s not prompted by a negative situation. You may have a larger impact on the person’s interactions with you by doing so. For example, if you occasionally make excuses for why you can’t see the negative person while he or she is ruminating over a negative situation, try instead calling the person up to hang out when they’re not in a bad or ruminating mood.
For example, ”Good job with that essay. I was really impressed by all the research that you did. "
This step works best when everyone in the group shows the same empathy for the negative person and uses the same strategies to try to help the person overcome the negativity.
Being happy in spite of the circumstances means gaining control over your emotional response rather than over the situation. For example, if you’re dealing with a negative friend, you can either allow the friend to drain you of your own positivity, or you can shore yourself up with reminders of positive things before and after dealing with the friend. Governing your own emotional response is like working a muscle. You have to practice being in control of your emotions in response to outside situations, such as dealing with a negative person.
You’ll need to examine the pros and cons of removing someone from your life. This might be hard to do if the person is part of a mutual circle of friends. It might even be impossible to do, such as when the person is a coworker or a superior. Take an honest inventory regarding what you get from your relationship with the person, and don’t rely too heavily on the way the relationship “used to be” if the person has become negative over recent months or years.
