Loses temper often Argues frequently with adults Refuses to comply with requests from adults Deliberately annoys people, is easily annoyed by others Blames others for his mistakes or misbehavior Is angry or resentful Is spiteful or vindictive
Ask your child, “If someone is mad at you, is it okay if she hits you? What about if you’re mad at someone? Can you hit him? What’s the difference?”
Recognize when your child is arguing to defend himself or whether it is coming from a place of wanting power.
Taking deep breaths or counting to calm down Setting boundaries, such as “I need some alone time” and “Please don’t touch me. " Using “I” language What to do when someone else doesn’t respect their boundaries or feelings Getting help when they are upset or confused
Try to communicate calmly, clearly, and using short, to-the-point explanations. State what you want and expect using direct language. Make eye contact and maintain relaxed or neutral facial expressions, gestures, and posture. Ask your child questions and listen to his answers. Discuss what is happening in the present, not things he did in the past, and try to be solution-oriented. Do not lecture your child, yell, name call, bring up old problems, make assumptions about your child or his behavior, or use negative body language.
If you find yourself becoming angry, take some deep breaths to help center yourself, or repeat a phrase that helps you such as “I am calm and relaxed”. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Take some time before responding in order to avoid saying anything you may regret.
Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions, and show yourself to be a role model for your child.
Create a positive behaviors and consequences chart, which lets your child know what will happen with certain behaviors. Being clear and consistent is helpful for knowing what to expect for both you and your child. Reward good behavior and respond to bad behavior with appropriate consequences. If your child tries to wear you down, be clear. Say “No means no” or “Do I look like the kind of dad who will change his mind if you keep asking?” Try a simple, business-like response, such as, “This is not up for discussion,” or, “I’m not arguing over this. This discussion is over. "
If you find yourself thinking, “My son is always trying to start a fight and never knows when to let go”, replace that thought with, “Every child has strengths and difficulties. I know with my consistent effort, I will help my child build the skills he needs to express himself productively. ”
Consider limiting TV or gaming time, having mandatory family dinners, and seeking counseling if you and your partner are constantly fighting. If there is substance abuse or a mental health disorder in the family, help that person begin treatment. Other potential environmental or family stressors include economic stress, parental mental illness, severe or harsh punishment, multiple moves, and divorce.
Talk about how feelings can be expressed. For instance, say, “How can you tell when someone is upset? When do you notice when someone is happy? What does it look like when someone is mad?” Talk about ways that your child experiences and expresses emotions.
Enforce others’ boundaries as needed. For example, “Your sister said she doesn’t want a hug, just a high five. It’s important to respect that. " Enforce your child’s boundaries as well. For example, if another child plays with your daughter’s hair, even after your daughter has asked them to stop, give the other child a stern look and say that this is not okay.
Unfortunately, 33% of children diagnosed go on to develop Conduct Disorder (CD). [15] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing and improving psychiatric care for children and adolescents. Go to source This is considered a more serious disorder that can lead to antisocial behavior (such as cruelty toward people or animals, initiating physical fights, arson, and/or forcing someone into sexual activity). [16] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing and improving psychiatric care for children and adolescents. Go to source
Behavior therapy serves to help children unlearn negative behaviors, and replace them with more positive behaviors. Therapy often involves parents to help enforce the new learned behaviors at home. [17] X Research source Therapy may help your child learn problem solving skills, empathy, social skills, and help reduce aggressive behaviors. See if there is a social-skills program at the child’s school or somewhere nearby. This program helps teach children to interact with their peers in a more positive way as well as help them improve school work. [18] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing and improving psychiatric care for children and adolescents. Go to source
You may learn different ways to approach your child’s behavior, systems for managing behavior, and find support with other parents who are struggling with their kids. [22] X Research source Family therapy can help the entire family learn how to interact positively with the person with ODD, and can give other family members a voice. It can also help educate family members about ODD.
Check out online resources as well, such as Incredible Years, Center for Collaborative Problem Solving, and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). [24] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing and improving psychiatric care for children and adolescents. Go to source
Before pursuing medication, consider the following: whether the child has had a physical and psychiatric evaluation, if all other treatments have been attempted, possible side effects (weight gain, affecting growth, etc. ), how medication will be given at home and at school, how to talk to the child about the medication and side effects, how to monitor for side effects.
