Use “I” statements. This is a great way to put your feelings out there without blaming anyone else. For example, you can say, “I think I’m perfectly capable of dealing with these new job responsibilities” rather than, “You’re wrong about my capabilities. " This strikes a great balance between expressing yourself while not being too grating or confrontational. Rehearse what you want to say beforehand. Practice will make you more confident in your communications, because you know you’ve prepared for the situation. Try your new skills on a small scale first. Avoid immediately going to your boss and telling him how you feel. Try being assertive with your friends, family, and peers, when it’s appropriate.
For example, you can say “I hear what you’re saying. Why do you think I’m not capable of doing well in this job position? I’d like to hear your views so I can improve. " This strategy is best for people who underestimate you but aren’t trying to be mean to you, such as in cases where your boss might question whether you’re capable of performing a task because he’s seen you fail at it before. You don’t need to buy into it or agree with her about your capabilities, but you can use the criticism constructively.
Deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system in your body (the “rest and digest” branch), which is in charge of helping you feel calm. It’s also okay to collect yourself for a moment if you’re feeling overwhelmed! You might pop into the bathroom for a second to reorient yourself. [4] X Expert Source Nancy Lin, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
For example, you can say “You’re certainly entitled to your opinion, but I’d rather let the outcome speak for itself, rather than let you decide whether I can do this or not. "
For example, if someone tells you that you’ll never amount to anything, simply ignore the comment or walk away. There’s nothing to be gained from engaging with people who say this kind of thing. You can prove her wrong with your actions, but you don’t need to talk to her about it.
Avoid taking it so personally that it negatively affects your performance. Focus on your own life instead, putting her critique on the back-burner. Putting your attention toward positive goals and dreams can help you be more creative and open to new ideas, which will help you prove wrong anyone who underestimates you. [5] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Set concrete goals such as “walk 1 mile (1. 6 km)” or “try to make fewer than 3 mistakes on the job per day. " Goals like these will help you feel the satisfaction of achievement while also working toward bigger things. Reward yourself when you meet a goal. This is especially important for activities that don’t involve their own immediate reward, such as writing and publishing an essay or work of fiction. Many goals have delayed rewards, which means that you might not associate them with the positive feelings you receive later on. Reward yourself immediately by having some chocolate, seeing a movie, or hanging out with friends.
For example, if you work in retail and you’re amazing at customer service, but you don’t feel entirely confident at the register, devote time to learning the ins and outs involved at the register.
Examine the truth of these messages. For example, if someone told you that you’re naturally not good at math, try to look for objective information that may indicate whether or not this is true. Were you bad at math before people started telling you what you’re capable of? Do you really think you’re incapable, or does the belief influence how you act toward math? Counter the lie. If someone told you that you’re bad at math, but you think that may not actually be true, go out and prove her wrong. Take an extracurricular math class so you can study up and become a math wiz. Alternatively, work some math lessons online or hire a private tutor. Avoid letting these kinds of messages you received earlier in life dictate how you live now.
To stay committed to a task, keep the end goal in mind. Think about how your life or the lives of your family will be better if you succeed. Think about the people Remind yourself that mistakes are learning opportunities, this may make you less likely to give up upon initial failure. Make your goals explicit. Whatever you are being underestimated on, make it explicit so that it has a clear answer. Vague goals are associated with a lack of commitment. [10] X Research source For example, if someone is underestimating you on your math skills, set specific goals for how to improve, such as solve 10 math problems from your textbook a day. This will provide a more explicit, actionable, and concrete way to remain committed when someone is underestimating you rather than something vague such as “be good at math”.
Sometimes, being criticized can cause you to freeze up, especially if you were criticized or berated as a child. That instinct to freeze up may follow you into adulthood. [12] X Expert Source Nancy Lin, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
For example, say to yourself “I understand why I’m hard on myself. It isn’t my fault. I know I can become more compassionate toward myself. " Pretend that you’re talking to a close friend. Would you say those kinds of negative comments to them?[14] X Expert Source Nancy Lin, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
Also, don’t make mountains out of molehills and watch for other people doing it to you as well. You may even want to say to her, for example, “You’ve only seen me perform this task once or twice. I don’t think you can really give a fair assessment right now. "
Try to find a balance between working on improving your abilities and accepting yourself the way you are. Perfection causes people to be self-absorbed and can even result in problems with anxiety or depression. To challenge perfectionism, it helps to first recognize it in yourself. Ask yourself the following questions: “Do I have often fail to meet my own standards?”, “Do I often get depressed, anxious, or frustrated trying to meet my standards?”, “Has someone told me my standards are too high?”, “Do the standards I set for myself get in the way of other parts of my life, such as my social life?” If you answered yes to any of these questions you may have trouble with perfectionism. [15] X Research source Fight against perfectionism by trying out positive realistic thinking. For example, when you are working on a task, try saying to yourself “no one is perfect” or “I can do my best, nothing more”, or “it’s ok if not everyone likes me”. [16] X Research source You can also try looking at the big picture as a way to challenge perfectionism. Try asking yourself “what is the worst that can happen?” or, “will this still matter tomorrow? Three months from now? A year from now?"[17] X Research source
