Sometimes, saying no to a request may be difficult, but can save your relationship from any future resentment or hurt feelings. Money can create strains in your relationship. Saying no is sometimes the best help you can give someone. Helping someone can turn into enabling them to continue a destructive lifestyle. If this person has a history of not paying back loans or taking advantage of others financially, it’s probably best to tell them no.
Put yourself in their shoes and think what it would be like to be in their position. What would be most helpful to them? Say, “I know you’re making a request, but I’d like to know more information. What is the money going toward and will you need more money later?”
Say, “I want to help you. I can’t give you money but I can loan it to you. Let’s work out a plan so that you can pay me back. ”
Say, “I am willing to help you; however, I don’t want this to happen regularly. If you need money in the future, you will need to find it somewhere else. ”
Say, “I know you’re looking for financial help, but I’m not able to help you at this time. ” Be careful about saying, “This is the last time. ” Several times can turn out the be the “last time,” so be firm and say no.
Say, “I know you’re looking for financial help, but I’m not able to help you at this time. ” Be careful about saying, “This is the last time. ” Several times can turn out the be the “last time,” so be firm and say no.
Say, “I know what you want, and there is no need to pressure me or guilt me into giving you what you want. ”
Although family members are among the most common financial abusers to the elderly population, they are not the only ones. Caretakers (home health care worker), neighbors, or professionals (lawyers, bankers, financial advisors) can all commit financial abuse. If you suspect financial abuse, call the the Adult Protective Services Hotline at 1-800-677-1116. You can make this call on your own behalf or on behalf of someone you suspect is being abused. If you or the elderly person live in a nursing home, contact the Nursing Home Ombudsman (http://theconsumervoice. org/get_help). They will send an advocate to investigate. http://www. eldercare. gov/ can also help link you to local resources.
It’s up to you how much money you’re willing to pay your relative for their help. If they find reasons not to help you, this may indicate that they don’t want to work for the money and rely on you to give it to them.
Work together to create a budget, recommend a program, or recommend a financial planner.
For example, if your relative is struggling to get by teaching yoga, offer to help them open up a yoga studio.
Say, “Let’s look at online listings together so we can find you a job. ” Say, ”I know you’re having a hard time finding a job. What are your interests and how can you put those toward more stable employment?”
Say, “At the moment I can’t help you financially, but I’d love to help you in different ways. If you need help going to interviews, I can watch the kids or give you a ride. ”
If your relative asks for money, say that you are willing to give money in order to help their recovery. For example, say that you are willing to help them seek treatment or see a counselor. Do not give them the money for treatment directly. Offer to help pay for detox and/or rehab, sending payments directly to the facility.
