Attack the behavior, not the person. Tell them what they are doing that you do not like (“You are standing too close”) rather than blaming them as a person (“You are such a jerk”). Avoid cursing, name-calling, put-downs, and other actions that may escalate the situation unnecessarily. Avoid making statements of opinion such as, “I’d like it if you didn’t touch me. ” This can invite further conversation. Provide alternatives if necessary, such as, “You are standing too close. Please give me 3 feet of personal space. ”
You might say, “Your behavior is making me uncomfortable. Please don’t contact me again. If you do, I will call the police. ” Do not get into a dialogue with the harasser, or try to reason with them, or answer their questions. You do not need to respond to diversions, questions, threats, blaming, or guilt-tripping.
There’s a chance the person may try to friend or follow you again using a different identity. Closely screen new connections and verify their identity before accepting any requests. If the person has posted something disparaging about you, you can flag the post and alert the staff (of Facebook, Twitter, etc. ) so that the post will be removed.
Keep all email and text correspondence you have received, especially regarding any boundaries you’ve set. Note any dates of significance, such as a day you asked for contact to stop, for example, and keep any records to back it up. Write down an account of what has happened, noting the date and place of each incident. Keep the names of other people who have witnessed the harassing behavior in case you need to ask them to verify your account of what occurred.
Most administrations have policies in place to deal with harassment. If the person in question is a student or an employee, involving the administration may put a stop to the behavior.
Get the badge number of the police officer who answers your call. Doing so can help you create a better chain of evidence if you have to call again in the future. If you are reporting harassing text messages or cyber activity, it might be best to request an audience with a detective who can investigate such activity. Know that the police are unlikely to do anything at this early point, but creating a formal report helps create a history of your complaint. In some cases, people who harass others may have done it before. If the perpetrator has a pattern of harassing behavior, the police may be more likely to take action.
A restraining order usually specifies that the harasser cannot make contact with you or come within a certain distance of you. If you are in immediate danger, you can get a temporary restraining order that will prevent the person from being able to legally come near you or get in contact with you at least until your court date. Keep detailed records and report each time the harasser violates your restraining order to the police, if needed.
The phone company can then share this evidence with the police department. They may also be able to use this information to track down the harasser if necessary.
Tell people you trust if you go out of town or need to miss work. Make sure people know not to give the harasser any information about you.
Reach out to a friend or relative by saying, “I’m afraid to sleep here alone. Would you mind coming over?”
Don’t use FourSquare and other apps that tell people exactly where you are. Turn off the location feature on your phone while using social media apps. Don’t publicly say that you’re going out of town, or that you’ll be alone for a certain amount of time. Try avoiding situations where you might be vulnerable to an attack, such as walking alone at night. It may give you some peace of mind to change your routines a bit every day. This will make you difficult to track, if you are being harassed.
You can install motion-detector lights that turn on when someone is walking near your home at night. Look into getting security cameras you can set up around your property. You might also want to consider getting an alarm system that will alert the police department if an intruder enters your home. A dog can also be a great “security system” of sorts.
Look for self-defense classes in your local community. Many organizations, such as churches and law enforcement agencies, often host self-defense trainings free for local residents. Consider carrying a personal security device, such as pepper spray or a knife.
Keep tabs on your credit report to look out for any unusual activity, too.
