Children tend to blame themselves for a parent’s mental health. They often feel that they could somehow make the parent all better if they were more obedient, more sensitive and/or more mature. This is not your problem, though; it is your parents’s own struggle. If you find yourself overwhelmed, take a less active role. Do not feel ashamed at needing to take care of yourself as well.
Many people who are suicidal will come up with a specific plan. Knowing how, when, and where they plan to do it will give you key information that you can pass on to your professional mental health provider.
Does your parent have caring friends he or she can talk to? Other family members? A spouse? Does your parent have a supportive community, such as church or another social group? If all else fails, there are crisis hotlines your parent can call to have someone to talk to, such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you’re in the United States, which can be reached by calling or texting 988. [2] X Trustworthy Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Suicide prevention network operating a toll-free 24/7 hotline for anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress Go to source . This service is freely available 24/7 and is confidential.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is an evidence-based treatment that can help your parent examine and change core beliefs/thoughts that may lead to suicidal emotions. Interpersonal therapy is an evidence-based treatment that can assist in coping with personal relationships and help to assess and work on personality issues, reducing the desire to escape by committing suicide. [3] X Research source Tell your parent about therapeutic alliance, or the importance of a good patient-therapist fit. Research shows that “fit” is one of the most important aspects of patient recovery. Encourage them to look for the right therapist, even if that means “shopping around. " Search for a therapist near you: click here.
Antidepressants can help with depression, although there may also be danger of increasing suicidal thoughts, so be sure to have your parent discuss this decision with a medical professional[4] X Research source . Make sure your parent is following doctor’s orders with regard to any medications he is already prescribed. Quitting psychiatric medication is a delicate process that should be coordinated with a healthcare professional. Being inconsistent in taking medication or trying to stop cold turkey can cause problems such as anxiety, irritability, fatigue, headaches, nausea, and dizziness[5] X Trustworthy Source FamilyDoctor. org Family-focused medical advice site run by the American Academy of Family Doctors Go to source .
Have emergency numbers written down and easily available. This can be saved to your phone, in a notebook, or even posted on the refrigerator. It can also help give you some peace of mind. Wherever possible, remove dangerous objects from the house. If one of your parents owns a gun, talk to an adult (aunt, uncle, other parent) about making sure it’s safe from being easily accessed by the suicidal parent.
Shock. A suicidal parent can come as a strong surprise. Nobody expects things to get this bad, especially with the person who is supposed to be taking care of you. Anger. Parents are your caregivers, so it may seem unfair for you to have to deal with all this emotional stress. It’s normal to feel angry. Guilt. You may blame yourself for what is happening simply because you are close to your parent and the real causes may be less visible. Confusion. You may not know how to respond, so you may fall into a state of confusion over what’s going on and how to cope with the situation.
The desire to commit suicide results from a number of different factors, as this guide discussed in the previous section. You are not the cause and never have been. In fact, it’s unlikely that there is one singular reason for the way your parent is feeling. Suicide is not a simple, rational choice.
The unfortunate reality is that sometimes suicide happens even when the family and extended support network has done its best to be supportive and provide a caring environment. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, because those efforts can make all the difference, but the point is that some things exist outside of our control. Do everything you can, but with the recognition that you can’t do everything[9] X Research source .
Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you come to terms with the emotions and thoughts that can arise as a reaction to your situation. Search for a therapist near you: click here. Be sure to find a therapist you can trust and confide in. If you don’t find that person on the first try, don’t settle! Therapeutic alliance is one of the most important factors for successful therapy.
Grief and worry are not enough, it takes continued activity to process these difficult emotions and keep your life positive. Sports, other hobbies, and spending time with friends can act as a vaccine against despair in this situation.
Past suicidal attempts. This is one of the biggest risk factors for actual suicide. Outbursts of rage. Although this can signal other things as well, it’s a common indication of suicidal intent. Increased risk-taking behavior, such as drinking and driving. A parent who feels suicidal may start to care less about personal safety.
Talk of suicidal intent. Your parent may explicitly state how he feels. Self-hatred. This is a strong ingredient of suicidal thinking. Being a burden. As many suicidal parents feel guilty, it’s likely they will feel like they are burdening those in close proximity, including you.
Mental illness. 90% or more of people who commit suicide had a mental illness at the time of their death. The most common illnesses are depression and other mood disorders, substance abuse disorder, schizophrenia, and personality disorders such as borderline. Serious medical issues. Cancer, HIV, and other illnesses can cause people to experience hopelessness and other desperate emotions which sometimes result in suicide. Biological factors. Research shows that people who commit suicide often have differences in brain structure, especially the areas of the brain related to mood, thinking, and stress response. Environmental stress. Things like prolonged bullying have been linked to an increased risk for suicide.
Believing that the people in their life are better off without them[13] X Research source . Failure to live up to personal standards. Many people who want to commit suicide are wrestling with unrealistically high standards for themselves and their lives. Self-blame. These people blame themselves for not measuring up to the tasks of life, unrealistic or not. High awareness of failure, so that they are constantly and painfully aware of how much they’re failing to match their ideal self. Anxiety and pain result from these issues. The state of mind that sometimes ends in suicide is extremely painful and hard to bear. “Cognitive deconstruction,” which refers to how people think about their lives as a simple, unchanging experience of sadness and pain. Finally, disinhibition, or the final step that comes about when a person thinks that a drastic measure such as suicide is necessary to overcome their current predicament.
