There always needs to be a balance between your marriage and your outside relationships. If you focus too much on your spouse, you end up getting tunnel vision and isolating yourself from others. A great balance is being able to cultivate relationships with your family and friends.
“I know you’ve been feeling upset about all the time I spend with my friends, but you knew I had close friends when you married me. They aren’t you – they’re just another link to my college years. ” “Why do you think you’re getting so upset about the time I spend with my friends? I love to spend time with you, but my time with them is special, too. They have supported me through so much. ” “Do you want to come out with me and my buddies and see what we do? I haven’t invited you because I thought you wouldn’t like it, but I’m happy to have you come so you can see you’re not missing out. ” Remember—when someone acts possessive, it has a lot more to do with them and their levels of insecurity than it has to do with you.
“It never used to bother you when I went out on Thursdays. What happened?” “I’m worried about you being jealous of me going out with my friends. You always told me I should go, but now I feel like you’ve changed your mind. What caused that, do you think?” “I am wondering if you’re upset about this because of losing your job. What can I do to help?” “Is there anything going on with your own friends that might be upsetting you?” No one is born being bad, manipulative, or possessive. All of these things are learned behaviors that develop over time and through lived experience. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the way they act has to do with their childhood, but it does have everything to do with their prior experiences and relationships.
While you’re out with your friends, he could go out with his friends and you could meet up at the end of the evening. Ask him to plan a night out or weekend adventure for the two of you to reconnect.
If a friend has an emergency or needs your support during your special time together, talk to your husband and ask him if it is okay if you reschedule your time.
Counseling is definitely a good idea if his behavior is making you anxious, worried, overwhelmed, or isolated.
Explain that his words, responses, and/or interactions are uncomfortable, and remind him that you’re your own individual. You should be able to move through life without someone telling you what you should and shouldn’t do and where you should or shouldn’t go.
