Think about your role in the fight and try to identify at least three things you know you did wrong. This will help you to build a genuine apology for her later. Sometimes fights happen when we are in a bad mood, tired, or hungry. Were any of these conditions relevant in your case? Did you fly off the handle with your mom simply because you have a bad day at school?
For years, counselors have used a strategy to help people identify when they need self-care and avoid any heated discussions or decision-making. The acronym is HALT and it stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Taking a good measure of your own and your mother’s mood state in the future can prevent unnecessary disagreements.
How would you have reacted in a similar fight with your child? Would you have said “yes” or “no”? Would you have tolerated your back talk or snide comments? Would you have listened to a counterargument when your child’s safety was in question? Thinking about parenting from this point-of-view will help you to develop greater empathy for your mom, and also give you some insight into her decisions.
If she welcomes you to talk, start by saying you’re sorry. Use one or two of those behaviors you identified as wrong to verbalize your apology. It might sound like this, “I am sorry I waited until the last minute to tell you about the money I needed for school. " Next, include a remedy to the issue. The remedy might sound like, “I will try to give you advanced notice in the future when I need money for school things. "
Your mom will probably be astounded that you took the time to consider her perspective. She may even view you as more mature.
Try to listen and pay attention when she speaks. Stop texting on your phone when she is talking. Acknowledge all the things she does for you. Share things with her that are happening in your life. Ask her opinion about important topics. Refrain from interrupting when she’s talking. Do chores/tasks without her having to ask. Refer to her by the name she prefers (i. e. Mom or Mother). Avoid the use of curse words or confusing slang phrases in her presence.
Consider that you and your mom were fighting about how often you’ve been going over your friend’s house. You can say “I have been spending time with Whitney because she’s really upset over her parents’ divorce. I understand your concern. It would be great if you could work with me so I could be supportive of my friend and still get homework and chores done here. “[4] X Research source
