Try to understand that it isn’t up to you whether your parents will be together or not. If your parents are no longer together, then that is how it will be, and you can only try to make the best of the situation.
Sometimes it can be helpful to write down all the different emotions you are feeling to keep it all straight. For example, if you write down that you are feeling “betrayed,” follow that thought. What is it about your mom dating that makes you feel betrayed? Do you feel betrayed because you think she is trying to replace your dad and create a new family?
Thinking through different scenarios can be a good way to feel like you have some control over the situation. Ultimately, you really don’t, but it can be helpful to feel like you know what role you will play in several different scenarios.
It may be very helpful in this situation to get help from a professional counsellor, who can help you understand what you’re feeling. Avoid talking to your other parent about your mom’s dating. Even if they already know about it, it’s unlikely that they’ll be able to approach the subject without putting their own emotions into it.
If your mom has not dated for many, many years try to keep in mind that it is probably a very scary and challenging time for her. Dating can be hard and emotionally draining. Try to remember this and be understanding of the situation. Although it may not feel like it sometimes, you are the child in this relationship. It is not your responsibility to keep your mom from making poor decisions or mistakes.
Try to do this at a time when you are not fighting with your mom or angry about something. Otherwise, you risk saying things you don’t mean, which may really hurt her feelings.
For example, if you notice that she often comes home sad after her dates, point this out to her. Say something like, “Mom, I’m trying my best to be understanding of this new chapter in your life, but every time you come home from a date, you seem less happy than when you left. I just want to make sure that you are doing what makes you happy. ” Point out any changes you might like to see related to your relationship with her. For example, if you feel like she isn’t spending enough time with you then say, “I understand that going on dates means you won’t be home as often and that’s OK, but I also want to spend time with you. Can we schedule some time where it’s just you and me doing something fun?” Once you have talked about your concerns related to her dating, leave it be. It is OK to do this once to get it out in the open. After that, you should respect that your mom is an adult.
If you are able to listen, your mom will see that you aren’t just trying to make everything difficult. Listening to your mom’s feelings will also help make her feel like you care, which will hopefully bring you closer together.
The advantage here is that it will give her plenty of time to read and re-read your thoughts, and will give her a chance to think about the best way to react to your feelings. [4] X Research source
If she tells you that it is a great idea, and that she will invite the new boyfriend along, explain to her that you’d really like to spend some time with just her. If she asks why you want to spend time together in the first place, just tell her that it’s because you love her, and you want to stay close with her.
Instead, try to notice the things that you really like about your mom’s new partner. Maybe they like going outside and playing catch with you, or maybe they treat your mom really well, and it’s apparent how happy they make your mom. It’s always a good plan to look for the qualities in other people, rather than their flaws.
If you like someone that she is dating, tell her! If you don’t like them, then just try to be polite. You don’t have to be best friends.
If you give them a chance, you might find that you like them more than you thought you would. This can be scary, and you might feel angry or resentful when you meet this person. If you need to, go to your room for a while to reflect on your encounter with the new person, but try not to be rude.
If you feel like you need to vent bad feelings about the person your mom is dating, try writing all of it down in a journal or talking to someone, such as a friend, who is not involved in the situation.
