You may be even more likely to blame yourself for the divorce if your parents get you involved in their conflicts or if they seem to hold it against you for caring about the other parent. No matter what they say or do, it is important to remember that you did not initiate these conflicts and that you have the right to love both of your parents. If your parents ever say something to make you feel like the divorce is your fault, talk to them about it. They may have not really meant what they said at all. Try to keep in mind that this is a stressful time for your parents and they are not perfect. [1] X Research source
If you have siblings, they are going through the same thing that you are going through, so be there for each other. You may not want to talk to all of your friends about your parents’ divorce. Choose one or two close confidants who will understand your situation and be compassionate. Chances are some of your friends have also dealt with a divorce.
Let them know how you’re feeling and what you’re worried about. If you have questions about how the divorce will affect your future, ask! Even if your parents don’t know the answer, this will give you the opportunity to have an open conversation about what will happen next. Try to talk to your parents face-to-face rather than through text conversations. Expressing how you feel in person will help facilitate more understanding and empathy for one another. [5] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MALicensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
You may want to talk to a social worker or psychologist. If you don’t know one, ask your doctor for a referral. Your school may have counselors who are available to talk with you about personal issues. There are also support groups specifically designed for children and adolescents who are dealing with their parents’ divorces. You may be able to find a group at your school or in your local community.
If you are struggling with self-destructive behavior, it’s important to get professional counseling right away. You need to learn healthier ways to deal with your emotions so you will not feel the need to harm yourself.
Journaling helps many people sort through their feelings and relieve stress. Physical activities like playing sports or going for walks are excellent for reducing stress. Other hobbies may also relieve stress simply by getting your mind off of your parents’ divorce. Try doing an art project or socializing with friends.
You and your parents will need to come up with a schedule that allows you spend time with both parents, but does not interfere too much with your other responsibilities and commitments. Tell your parents how you really feel about the custody arrangement, especially if something about it isn’t working for you. They may be willing to make adjustments to the schedule to help make it easier for you. [9] X Research source
Try to look at the situation in a positive way. You can see it as an opportunity to meet new people and try new things. While you should definitely try to make new friends if you’re moving to a new area, you should also keep in touch with your old friends. Even if you don’t get to see them every day anymore, you can keep in touch with them over the phone and on social media, and they can offer you a lot of support as you adjust to your new life. Try not to be angry with your parents for forcing you to move. Instead, work on building your relationship with them. They may be able to offer you a lot of support if you stop shutting them out. [11] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MALicensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
Try not to worry too much about your family’s finances. If you have specific concerns, such as how your parents will pay for your college education, don’t be afraid to bring up the subject with them.
If your parents remarry, you may find yourself living with a step-parent, and maybe even step-siblings. If this happens to you, do your best to get to know your new family members and form a relationship with them. While it may not always be easy, being welcoming to them and trying to find common interests will make the transition much easier. If you’re ever uncomfortable with someone who one of your parents is dating, or if you have questions about how the relationship will affect you, don’t be afraid to talk to your parent about it. When doing this, be kind and respectful instead of accusing your parent of trying to hurt you by dating.
For recurring events, like sports games, you may arrange for your parents to alternate their attendance. This way, both of them will get to see you play and there will always be someone there to cheer you on, but they will never have to be at the game together. You may have to arrange to do some things twice. For example, it may work out better to have two separate birthday parties with each of your parents instead of trying to have them both come to one party. In some cases, you parents may have no choice but to attend the same event. For example, if you are graduating from high school, they will probably both want to attend the ceremony. In this case, talk to them ahead of time about being civil to one another and arrange for them to sit separately.
Try to maintain a relationship with both parents. Even if you live primarily with one parent, make an effort to stay in touch with the other one. If your parents try to make you choose sides, let them know that you want to maintain a healthy relationship with both of your parents.
Make it very clear that you do not want to be caught in the middle of their arguments.
If a parent depends on you for support more than you are comfortable with, try to think of other people who he or she may be able to confide in. If there are no close friends or family members for the parent to talk to, suggest professional counseling. Try to keep in mind that the divorce is just as hard for your parents as it is for you. They may need help dealing with their emotions, just like you might.
