If a parent tries to drag you into an argument, be honest and say that you don’t want to choose sides. This is your right.
Hang out in the backyard if you have one. Go to your room if it’s private and you can’t hear them fighting.
Finish homework. Use the opportunity to take care of yourself and your responsibilities. Read a book, especially if the noise level is low or you can wear headphones. Play video games. These can be great to take your mind off the argument. If you don’t have access to headphones, you can cover yourself in a heap of blankets to go to sleep. It’ll make the fight go by faster without you having to deal with a lot of it.
Ask your parents to consider your feelings. Divorce and separation can really shake up your life. When it comes to who you’re spending time with, where you’re staying, what school you’re going to, and other issues, ask your parents to include you in the discussion. [2] X Research source Avoid worrying about the divorce itself that much. The main source of harm for you is parental conflict, regardless of whether your parents are divorced or not. [3] X Research source Spend your energy dealing with the conflict.
Try to be calm while expressing yourself. Avoid egging them on or trying to guilt trip them. Your aim is to help them understand what you’re feeling so they will reconsider their actions. You’re not trying to get payback.
Good: compromise. Good fights end with people agreeing to do something differently in order to make things better. For example, if they think dinner should start at different times, they can compromise by choosing a new time that they can both agree on. Good: positive statements despite having a difference of opinion. Disagreeing doesn’t have to mean disliking each other or not appreciating things about each other. For example, one of your parents might say, “I’m angry that you forgot to take out the trash, but you normally do a good job helping out around the house. ” Bad: personal insults. For example, name-calling and insulting each other’s ability to be a good parent/partner are harmful ways to handle conflict. Bad: stonewalling, or refusing to acknowledge the other person. The silent treatment can be just as bad as yelling, because it leaves unresolved tension in the air and teaches poor communication skills. [5] X Research source
Tell your parents that it would be less painful for you if they took arguments to their room or another private place.
Communication difficulties and not understanding each other. Practical issues such as finances. Conflicts about how to raise children.
Parents may fight over personal habits like cleanliness, financial spending, and other details of daily life. Even if it gets heated, these kinds of disputes are common and can be a healthy way to let off steam.
Play sports. Anger can actually be useful in something like football or baseball. Use that extra energy to push toward the end zone or hit a home run. Violence doesn’t help, though, so don’t take it out on the other players. [9] X Research source Open up about your frustration. This can be done with any of the people mentioned earlier: parents, siblings, friends, or counselors. Research suggests that commonly recommended techniques like “punching a pillow” don’t actually work, but exploring your feelings with someone who can help you process them is a more effective kind of venting. [10] X Research source
