Make a true effort to trust others and open yourself up to be more vulnerable. This may not happen all at once but closing yourself off can hurt future relationships. Be open with others about your misgivings and fears, it will help them to know what you are worried about and how to help ease your feelings. You may be surprised at how far others will go to help you if you just ask. Take baby steps. Share something slightly intimate with someone you have an established relationship. Assess the person’s reaction. If the person keeps your confidence and is supportive to you, then you can gradually share more and more with this person. Try this method with several people in your life, such as family members, close friends, and your favorite teachers.
Building relationships with your grandmother, older sister, uncle, or other guardian does not mean you have forgotten your mother. However, this can provide you with some form of nurturing and support that you are lacking.
Developing strong, healthy bonds with others during your teenage years can reduce the risk of you engaging in unhealthy behaviors and help you develop better social skills. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
A support group will help you understand that there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone in entering adulthood without a mother. If your mother left the home, you may feel like there was something wrong with you so she could not love you. Talking with others in the same situation will help to show that this is a common misconception.
You may find it is hard to trust others if your mother violated your trust by leaving. Make an effort to allow others to help and not force the rejection from your mother onto them. You may also find yourself drawn to a destructive relationship since that is what you grew up with. Recognize this unhealthy pattern and take steps to overcome it so that her absence does not leave a negative mark on your development. [6] X Research source
Avoidance is a big issue when trying to deal with the feelings of loss. This means you may feel like it is better to not have friends or date because you know the people you get close to will let you down. Try to talk to someone about those feelings (e. g. sibling, best friend, aunt, etc. ) and come to understand that they do not transfer to everyone else in your life.
If your mother left due to negative behaviors like drug addiction or factors like mental health issues, recognize that the cycle needs to be broken to avoid making that same mistake. Many times, for example, a teen mother will become a grandmother very early as her daughter is more likely to become a teen parent. You can break the cycle of the negative behavior. Take some time to think about the beliefs and values that are important to you in life. You might value family, honesty, loyalty, and many other things. Try to create a life that allows you to uphold these values.
A professional counselor or therapist can create a supportive environment for you to discuss these matters and help you build a stronger self-esteem and resolve your identity issues. [9] X Research source
You may go through a variety of emotions and certain triggers will bring those to the forefront. Things like a birthday, anniversaries or even Mother’s Day may trigger feelings. Don’t be surprised if these dates bring out a much stronger reaction than you expect, you may never fully move past not having your mother.
Take some time to figure out how you identify without your mother. If she has passed away there will probably be a continued discussion with family about her. This may be different if she is gone for other reasons; they may just stop talking about her all together. The death of a parent and losing a parent due to them leaving probably feels very different though you grieve in both cases.
Many people enjoy writing a journal to record memories or small events you may remember during your daily life. There will be things around you that remind you of her, write those happy memories down so you can enjoy them later. You might also visit her grave and speak with her in this way. Another option is to celebrate her life by looking through pictures of her many memories.
These letters can be useful for both a mother who has passed and in the event that your mother is still living but not involved. You need to feel you have shared certain things with her regardless of why she is not there.
