If your feelings and thoughts of them have been persisting for a while, then your desire to reach out may be beyond loneliness and is worth considering. If you are simply desiring physical or romantic companionship, however, avoid contacting or responding to an ex. Doing so will only drudge up unnecessary feelings.
If your relationship ended over differences in core values, it is probably best to leave it at that. If your relationship was abusive or traumatic for you, it is also best to move on.
Make a pros and cons list of reaching out to or responding to your ex. Maybe your ex was thoughtful and kind, but also very jealous and sometimes controlling.
However, if they are not respecting your space, lashing out at you or rushing you to make a decision, then perhaps that is your sign to cease conversations.
If all of your family and friends warn you against it, that might be a sign to not proceed. Your friends and family will typically have your best interests at heart. Avoid talking to your single friends unless you trust them completely; sometimes, your single friends might want to keep you single with them.
Avoid looking at pictures of your ex until your feelings about them go away. Block or unfollow them on social media to avoid hurt feelings.
Spend time reading, making dinner, or perhaps even going to the movies alone.
If your feelings for your ex are truly substantial, then they will persist no matter how many dates you go on.
Listen to some music, clean your house, or watch a movie. Your desire to reach out will often go away after sufficient distraction.
Perhaps you broke up over something small that seems silly now. Pursuing the relationship might be worth your while. If you broke up because your ex violated your trust or safety in a major way, however, consider whether it is smart or reasonable to reconnect again.
You might say “Hey, I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but you have been on my mind for a long time. I miss you. I wanted to know if we could talk soon?” If they reached out first, you might either say “I’ve been thinking about you, too and would like to talk” or, if you don’t want to reconnect you could say, “I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided that I don’t want to get back together. ”
You might say something like “Hey, I know we broke up on not the best of terms. I’m not reaching out to try to get back together, but I do have a few questions about why we broke up and would like some clarity if you have a few moments to talk. ” Remember as well that sometimes re-opening the breakup raises even more questions and confusion. If you can live at peace without having these answers, then try to do so.
You should still make it known to them that you are interested in something more with them in the future, however, so that they don’t only view you as a friend. You can say “I do want to talk more about getting back together, but can we work on being friends first?”
Don’t beg them to get back together; step away from the situation and find happiness apart from them.
If you both decide to reconnect, spend time talking, go out on dates, and discuss how to prevent past issues from resurfacing in your relationship. If you decide to not move forward, then distance yourself by ceasing contact and perhaps even blocking your ex from contacting you.
